Healthy Sleep

SHOULD YOU GO TO BED ANGRY AT YOUR PARTNER?

January 20th 2021
Should You Go To Bed Angry At Your Partner?

Relationships aren’t easy; it's always inevitable to have differences, disagreements and arguments.

But, when these differences occur right before bed, it can be quite difficult to decide whether you should just sleep on it and stay angry, or settle the matter before going to bed.

It varies from every couple and relationship. Some find that fixing problems before sleeping leads to a healthy relationship, whereas others find that sleeping allows them to calm down and have a rational discussion the next day.

In this article, we talk about how couples sleep at night after an argument and how it affects the relationship.

Is it okay to be angry?

You should start off by asking yourself if your feelings are rational or irrational. Has the argument blown out of proportion and are you fighting for the sake of fighting? Or are you genuinely working through some issues?. Being angry can negatively affect both you and your partner's wellbeing, so a self-check should be done.

Anger is a strong emotion that can manifest and be expressed in many ways. Understanding where the anger is coming from is key to dissipating the feelings. 

What matters in most situations is how you control your emotions when you're angry; people manifest different behaviours when they're mad and cause even more friction between you and your partner.

Anger is a perfectly normal emotion but try to keep your emotions in check, process your thoughts thoroughly before lashing out, and be mindful of how your anger can affect your relationship.

Should my partner and I talk right away when I'm mad?

Sorry to break it to you but there’s no straight answer to this question! It all comes down to the dynamics of your relationship with your partner.  Some people respond better to getting everything off their chest right away and talking it out, while some couples are better off taking time to calm down and leaving the argument for another day.

Either way works, but assessing how you and your partner relate with each other should be on the top of your list. Communication is key here. Listening to what each other has to say and responding respectfully is super important in any relationship.

For new couples, it’s one of those things that you don’t know how to deal with until it pops up. That's part of the journey that you take on as a couple; finding the right chemistry, understanding your partner's wants and needs, and responding and adjusting to each other's preferences.

So, how should we settle this?

Talking it out before going to bed

As mentioned earlier, everyone has their unique character and ways of settling their issues, and some find it better to have the "fight" and settle the issue before going to bed.

You might have heard the phrase “never go to bed angry” and the reasoning behind it is to have the matter settled right away, instead of letting it build up and turn into a bigger issue.

It might not sit right with you to keep your feelings to yourself, so it’s better to let it all out, even if it leads to a heated discussion right before bedtime.

Talking about it right away can help you have a clear head the next day, and some couples find that better.

It can be easier to get a good night's sleep when any issues have been settled right away, plus it feels good to kiss and makeup and go to sleep in a good mood.

Some couples swear by not going to bed angry, believing that it's the best way to fix issues.

Taking a pause and sleeping it off

If the issue isn’t that big or you’re the kind of person to get overly emotional, it might be best for you to leave it until the next day.

Going to bed angry can sometimes resolve problems on its own, as it allows you to calm down and think objectively about the situation. Sleeping it off might seem like a very passive approach to settling an issue, but it can be the best way to deal with things for some couples.

Anger is a very volatile emotion, and allowing things to heat up can really add more fuel to the fire rather than dowsing it.

When we allow our emotions to take over, we lose our sensitivity towards the things we say or  we do, which can be quite dangerous in a relationship. We often say the most hurtful things when we're mad and when our emotions are taking over, and what we say can negatively affect our partners and ourselves.

Check in with yourself and assess the situation. If you believe that the argument won’t solve the issue tonight, it may be best to leave it. If both you and your partner are angry but are deciding to cool off instead of arguing, maybe sleep in different rooms for a night to get some space. 

Sometimes, sleeping it off can be the best for you and your significant other's mental health, and that's something that should be important to the both of you.

Sleeping it off can allow you to resolve things at a later time; when you and your partner are more composed and have had time to think the situation through.

So what should we do?

Like we said, there’s no real right or wrong to this and it really is something that you and your partner should figure out together.

What matters most is that you resolve your matters with your partner in a way that brings both of you peace, and in a manner that won’t create more friction or negative outcomes.

A happy marriage or partnership is founded on mutual trust and understanding, and this heavily involves how you and your significant other resolve your differences.

When it begins to be tough on your relationship, know that there's no shame to seek relationship advice from friends, family, or even relationship experts.

Remind yourself of the good memories you have with your partner, welcome joy in your relationship, and be open about how much you care for each other.

Whether you hash out your anger before sleeping or prefer to sleep on it, we wish you and your partner well, and we hope that you enjoy a happy and strong relationship.