Healthy Sleep

How Often Do Couples Really Have Sex?

You know that lovesick feeling at the beginning of a relationship where you just can’t keep your hands off each other? 

The rush of adrenaline and dopamine at the beginning of a relationship often means we're getting down to business more often. But how often do couples really have sex once they’ve been in a relationship for a few years? 

Let's find out if you and your partner are getting freaky as often as everyone else.

Does a greater frequency of sex mean a happier couple?

Perhaps not. An article in GQ Magazine points out that men are expected to exist in a permanent state of horniness, while for women there's a pressure to “satisfy” their partner sexually, lest they go looking elsewhere. (*insert eye roll*)

Pssstt, we'll let you in on a little secret: that's all in our heads! 

Sex shouldn’t feel like a chore. A 2015 study from Carnegie Mellon University found that an increase in sex among couples might actually lead to a decrease in wanting for and enjoyment of sex. Therefore more sex does not necessarily make a happy couple. 

That said, these results could be skewed by the fact that couples were specifically told to actively up their time in the sack. “In retrospect, I believe that this study was misguided,” professor George Loewenstein told Time. “Instructing couples to double their frequency might have turned sex into a chore for them.”

A different study found that couples having sex more than once a week did not report being any happier. Another concluded that couples having sex less than once a week reported being less happy. 

Confused? Us too. If more sex doesn't mean happier couples, and less sex doesn't make a happy couple either… then what’s the ideal amount of sex per week?

Drum roll, please…

Once! Yep, research has found that the average married couple has sex 51 times a year, while the average adult has sex 54 times a year. That comes out to about once a week. 

It’s all about quality over quantity

Couples in long term relationships don’t seem to mind the dip in sex after that honeymoon phase of the relationship. What really matters is still having good sex. It’s important not to associate sex with a number or compare your sex life with another’s. 

Wouldn’t you rather have steamy hot sex once a week rather than overdoing it and getting bored?

Sex is not a one-size-fits-all ordeal, and neither is sexual desire or sexual behaviour. Everyone is different, so just do what feels right for you and your partner. 

What’s really important is being on the same page as your partner. Communication is key. If you feel like you want more sex but aren’t having it, talk to your partner and present a solution to the problem (and vice versa). That may be in the form of outside encouragement (such as a sex therapist) or simply trying something new. If you feel like you’re getting bored with your current sexual routine, do a little research together to find out how to spice things up. 

If low sex drive is an issue, Dipsea Stories can help get you in the mood. 

Our best recommendation? 

Make sure your bedroom environment is cosy and inviting – silky sheets can totally improve your bedroom’s sensuality. How sexy does this deep red sheet set look? Prefer pure white or a sexy, sensual charcoal? We've got 17 different colours to help you set your bedtime mood.

So don’t stress out about the number of times you and your partner are having sex each week, but make each time count. Focus on communicating with your partner and aligning your sexual interests. If that's on track, then trust us, you're having enough sex.